To Beer Or Not To Beer

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Tomorrow night there will be a gathering of friends and co-workers to watch the season premiers of some of our favorite shows. Think of it as sort of a temple night to worship in my Celestial Room of multimedia. An all-you-can-eat buffet of television.

There will be a pretty wide mix of people there ranging from recently returned Mormon missionaries to rock-climbing, tree-hugging, leg-not-shaving liberals. Some are bringing their kids and others are single and will be coming alone.

One particularly Mormon co-worker asked if he should bring anything. I told him that if he had a really special Jello recipe he'd like to share that he should bring that, otherwise, there should already be plenty to eat for everyone. A few people have asked if I would like them to bring beer.

I had to think about that one. Of course, as a host, I want to provide beer for those who would like to partake in moderation (no vomiting on my dog, please). On the other hand, we all know how Donna feels about alcohol. She would be more than a little upset if I were to provide booze at our house.

Just this last weekend, as we sat in an airport pub, I ordered a non-alcoholic St. Pauly's Girl with my chicken wings. One. Several hours, four sticks of gum, and two airports and a rental car later, she complained to me that she could still smell that awful brew on me. "Eww. It still reeks." This was after one innocuous non-alcholic beer. Funny, she never complains the next morning when my breath still smells like her vagina.

But what would she say if someone, say a guest, a stranger, just brought some and stuck it in the cooler? I know I would hear about it after the fact but I'm certain she would remain cool as long as guests were enjoying themselves. And really, what's the worst she could say to me? "Tell your friends not to bring beer over any more."

Big deal. She might even witness reasonable adults imbibing and realize that drinking a beer or two is not the worst thing you can do at a party. Hell, she might even see them actually enjoying themselves although after a lifetime of ward parties and Mormon family reunions I'm not sure she would recognize it if she did.

So I've decided to accept the offers of beer bringage. If she gives me a little grief afterwards, so be it. At least the guests will be able to enjoy themselves the way they want. This decision is based heavily in accordance with my newly-defined rules of engagement regarding Donna's sensitivities and fit-inducing triggers. That is, I am willing to press the envelope of her comfort level while still behaving according to the limits of social normalcy, but I am not willing to push the limits of her trust.

Buying and serving beer would be a trust violation because I told her that I wouldn't do that. She trusts that I am telling the truth. Allowing others to bring and consume beer makes her uncomfortable but does not violate her trust. I hope.

Maybe she'll be too busy downing cold ones herself to notice. Now THAT would be something.

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