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Working It Out
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Donna and I had a long talk on the phone today. This is not the best way to work out differences but sometimes you make time when you can.
Things started out not so well. I let her know some of my frustrations and she let me know what I could do with them. I shouted. She shouted.
Eventually though, something happened. She began to realize, maybe because I began to make more clear, that my feelings are real and legitimate. She admitted that some of her triggers are irrational but that she had worked hard to become aware of that. She also began to realize, I think, that morality may actually exist outside of religion. And that sometimes it doesn't exist at all inside of it.
I explained to her some of my thoughts on that as well as explaining to her that my un-belief in the Mormon brand of God was not different that her un-belief in the Hindu, Buddhist or Catholic brand of God. I think (hope, pray, whatever) that while she may not fully espouse that herself, that she at least recognizes that there is actually some order and process to my beliefs.
Once things had become more calm and civil I asked her point-blank about homebrewing beer. She agreed that it may not be as horrible as she thought and that we could at least have a calm, reasonable discussion about it.
"You might even learn to enjoy it yourself."
"That's true, I just might."
Sometimes it turns out that these minor skirmishes actually get things resolved. It's not a perfect system by a long shot but a rough system is better than none at all.
Permanent Link: Working It Out
Filed under: Donna | Marriage
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TalkrI have just bottled my 4th
Submitted by buckhntr (not verified) on January 12, 2007 - 9:22am.
I have just bottled my 4th batch of MR. BEER. Wife still makes it a point to press her dislike and thinks I'm crazy, so I tend to drink it mostly when she isn't around or awake. I do not really want to make it an item of contention but I am still going to do it. As long as I am not sopping drunk every night or violent no harm done I figure. AARP recently She mentioned 1/2 price burger night at a local restaraunt last night but, added if I was going to have any alcohol she wouldn't go, I told her she was funny. Later I went alone and enjoyed a nice Shiraz with my burger. We really don't have much in common and havent for many years.
» reply
Honesty isn't easy to hear or understand
Submitted by JOOM (not verified) on January 12, 2007 - 9:59am.
Not a single person likes to hear that what they believe in is wrong. But sounds like you at least have agreed to listen to each other. Agreeing to disagree can be the best course...but so hard to achieve! :)
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What is Love?
Submitted by danny on January 12, 2007 - 10:33am.
Hey, a little wine just might be really good for your health. There IS proof of that.
Danny
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What, indeed...
Submitted by Pete on January 12, 2007 - 11:34am.
Or an after-work beer with co-workers.
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I have read research that
Submitted by buckhntr (not verified) on January 12, 2007 - 2:57pm.
I have read research that indicates one or two drinks of wine a day is good for your heart and general health and satisfaction in life. Beer (which by the way is a mild drink made with barley or other grain. See D&C 89:17)is also good for general health and happiness. Both beer and wine occur naturally and the fermentation process makes heath promoting compounds that are not available in plain juice or grain. However, evidence suggests that strong drink (distilled liquors, which are decidedly man made) do not promote health in any way. So have a beer or good wine and enjoy life.
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buyer beware
Submitted by mattman on January 12, 2007 - 10:51am.
I've had similar experiences in sessions where I lay something out in the open (though she sometimes shouts, I have never so much as raised my voice at all to her). But I've learned to take any apparent "progress" with a grain of salt.
It seems that sometimes she's just done fighting and want to give in to simply keep me from leaving. As time passes, or I wait for actions as a result of what I thought was agreed or progressed, I found out that it didn't happen at all. It was a lie, in a way.
I sincerely hope that's not the case for you, just saying that I wouldn't pop the cork on the champagne just yet. :)
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fool me two-hundred times...
Submitted by Pete on January 12, 2007 - 11:32am.
I have very often seen that same tactic. I am optimistic ,at least that she agreed to have a conversation about it instead of her regular passive-aggressive, non-committal, disarming chuckle.
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*grumbling about passwords*
Submitted by Sideon on January 12, 2007 - 12:46pm.
Clearing the air once in a while is a good thing, especially if both parties are willing to listen to the other. It sounds like it's been hell, but you've both made progress seeing the other's views.
I'm stunned that you brought up the homebrew topic after your discussion, and doubly stunned that it turned out as well as it did. Wowsers. You could be enjoying a batch by March.
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Hello Everyone
I'm glad
Good that you guys were able to make some progress. It feels good to finally get your thoughts out there in the open, so that someday, if not today, you can discuss it openly.