Filicide, Anyone?

Monday, July 2, 2007

I think my mother may have poisoned me. This is only unusual because normally it's my mother-in-law who tries to kill me with Sunday dinner.

Yesterday, in preparation for my younger brother's visit, mom cooked up his favorite meal. Pot roast with mashed-potatoes and gravy. A crowd favorite to be sure. Oh, and pie for dessert.

I'm not sure of the exact kind of pie she made but I think it was lie-as-still-as-you-can-all-night-to-keep-from-vomiting-while-feeling-both-hot-and-cold-at-the-same-time-berry.

Really, the dinner was great. I didn't feel any ill effects from the roast until after dessert a few hours later. Perhaps it was that I ate it just before going to bed or the fact that I had two pieces of pie, a brownie and two glasses of milk. Or my strongest suspicion, that my mom is trying to kill me so she never has to compete with me for Donna's time on Saturday afternoons and they can spend the rest of their Pete-free days spending my life insurance at Ikea and Tai-Pan.

Either way, as soon as I laid down, the room started to spin and the hot and cold flashes hit me in full-force. It was like I was on a cruise ship without all the fabulous destinations.

I felt better this morning, and I did make it through the night without vomiting. Which is nice because when I vomit, I do it with my entire body leaving me feeling like a motorist on the wrong end of Mike Tyson's road rage. Also, it comes out my nose which, to be blunt, is no damn good. But, even without vomiting, I still spent most of the night awake, either in bed or in the bathroom with visions of everything I'd eaten dancing through my head, leaving me with about 2 hours of sleep. None of it in a row.

Today, I'm running on cruise control. Later on, my mother is taking me brothers and me for sushi. Sushi. How could that go bad, I wonder? It's not like it's raw fish or anything.

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