Insomnia Is Not Her Problem

Friday, August 31, 2007

It's been a primary frustration of mine for quite some time that Donna seems to be, sometimes deliberately, unaware of key moments and opportunities for intimacy and closeness. I'm not talking about sex here either. Well, not specifically.

What I mean is all the moments that pass us by where we could have taken advantage of time together alone. Birthdays forgotten. Vacations spent sober and celibate in expensive hotel rooms in swanky east coast cities. Friday nights spent arguing about why neither of us plans for a sitter instead of shopping for underwear.

Yesterday was an understandably anxious day for me. I was stepping back on stage in front of a live audience for the first time in quite some time. For most people, performing for a large group of people is simply impossible. They simply could not do it in just the same way that I could never stand upright and casually watch an appendectomy. And while I have come to accept and even enjoy that uneasiness on stage in the same way many people enjoy riding roller coasters, it still very much takes a great deal of concentration and effort to keep from being overwhelmed by the experience.

So it goes without saying, it was a big day. The kind of day where one hopes to have the automatic and endless support of friends and loved ones. It is one of those moments.

Or does it go without saying?

When I got to the theater I noticed I had missed a call from Donna. I hadn't really heard from her all day so I figured she was trying to catch me to offer best wishes before I got busy setting props and working out last-minute costumes issues. But when I called back all Donna had to say was, "It was Megan that called. She had a question about her French homework. Here she is."

More of the same when I finally got home later in the evening. Donna was in bed, already asleep. When I came in, I startled her and she had a short, grumpy conversation with me.

I gave up and went to sleep.

Fast forward to today. Donna called.

"I'm really sorry I wasn't more engaged in your big day yesterday."

For me, that's a start. A little slow out of the gates. But a start.

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Permanent Link: Insomnia Is Not Her Problem
Filed under: Donna | Entertainment | Marriage

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