Too Tired To Wake Up And Wet Myself

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I am consumed with tired anxiety today. The opening of my show approaches quickly and with each rehearsal comes confidence in my role but also an extremely unnerving increase in the anxious reality that there will be actual people paying actual money to see my actual performance. This anxiety lurks below the surface of my confidence waiting for any split in the seams to rush forth like a deluge.

Each morning after late rehearsal also reminds me, usually by jabbing me in the knees and back, how I'm so not twenty years old any more. The late nights and physical exertion are adding up on my joints. They also wreak havoc on my circadian rhythm.

I find myself lethargic and sleepy even after allowing myself to sleep in a full eight hours simply because my sleep pattern is disrupted. This lethargy seems to magnify the anxiety. The more tired I am on stage during rehearsal, the sharper my feeling of uneasiness.

Is this why the dudes invented Zoloft and Ambien sleep soundly on beds made of hand-shorn, gold-plated sheep?

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