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Land Of Make-Believe
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
When I was younger I remember learning about faith at church. One teacher presented a challenge for the class. "How do you know New York City is real if you've never seen it?"
I'm here to tell you, I've seen New York City and it isn't real. It's all a pretend fairy tale. A reality show passed off as life using clever movie cliches and made-up languages on the subway. Counterfeit reality.
Murray Hill Market
It is a place where north feels like south and where east changes to west while you're standing on the corner waiting for the light to change. It can't be possible to turn left three times and still be walking the wrong direction. Except in New York. Because New York is fake.
If New York were real then there would be a Kinko's right where my iPhone said it would be. If it were real then there wouldn't be bathrooms in Frank Lloyd Wright designed museums where you have to sit sideways on the toilet to keep from banging your knees into the elegantly curved wall. If it where real a bottle of water would not cost the same as an entire six-pack of beer from the Utah State Liquor store.
The only place in the Guggenheim they let you take pictures
Only in a fake city could I see rat the size of a cat one second and a dog in purse the next. And only in a pretend place could I go from having a real conversation with myself about whether or not it would be better to sleep where I had arranged or on a bench in the park to having a kitschy spa hotel room fall from the sky into my lap. And only made-up places have lines painted on the roads merely for suggestion rather than as actual delineation.
And what kind of a real city has a Kander and Ebb musical starring David Hyde-Pierce where I can get a half-price, front-row seat five minutes before curtain? Not any real city I know of. No, this place is fictional.
I must be on the front row
Though, if New York really isn't really real who could possibly have been clever enough to make it up? And if they had, where did they come up with that outrageous accent and why didn't they think to have better cell phone coverage?
Permanent Link: Land Of Make-Believe
Filed under: I Heart NYC | Travel
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delicious | digg | fark | reddit | google | yahoo | Stumble | Talkr | 1865 readsSpeaking of Make-believe . . .
Submitted by Keith (not verified) on October 24, 2007 - 7:41pm.
On a similar note:
I've been told that the real purpose of genealogy in the church is to keep those blood lines clean and to avoid inbreeding among polygamous families from the old days (i.e. no half-brothers marrying half-sisters and producing those weird-looking, retarded offspring). The whole business about baptism of the dead is just a smoke screen. More make-believe, perhaps?
That pretty much sums NY
Submitted by FFG (not verified) on October 25, 2007 - 5:46am.
That pretty much sums NY up... I guess now that you mention it, I think NY was created by rogue Imagineers from Walt Disney.
NyC is real
Submitted by fuzzyturtle (not verified) on October 28, 2007 - 9:01am.
it's the rest of the world that's fake.
Hello Everyone
So funny
You are in New York at the same time as my hubby (say hi when ya see him!) and while you seem to be enjoying it despite its flaws, he HATES it. He is from far, far Upstate NY originally and loves the woods and mountains and we live in Alaska now so he gets woods and mountains to his heart's content on most days.
But this week (and possibly next) he is in Lower Manhattan on a biz trip. He hasn't been to the city since highschool and he called me just now to say its been hot and loud and crowded and his $400 a night hotel room is the size of out kitchen (which is not big at all) and he can't find the specific cigar store he wants or anywhere to smoke one if he finds it and he HATES it (except for the Italian food which he says rivals Watertown's which is totally saying something, it must be goo-oo-oood).