What A Feeling

Monday, December 17, 2007

If you listen to the Christian Right® then you probably believe that the world is going to H, E, double hockey sticks in a handbasket. We'll soon live in a world full of people married to animals, drive-thru abortion clinics and nothing but reality shows and hip-hop videos on television. And with all these hip-hop videos we'll soon be facing a crisis... a shortage of rap video girls.

Where, I wonder, will all these hip-shaking, spankie-clad hoochies come from? How will we meet the ever-rising demand for bling girls?

Worry not.

Our oldest daughter belongs to a private dance company fully prepared to meet the world's future needs for pole dancers, strippers and backup dancers. This studio's focus is hip-hop dance. Yes, they teach a couple of tap and jazz classes but mostly it's hip-hop. And this past Saturday afternoon they were on parade in full force. Every troupe in the studio got gussied up for their annual Christmas concert at a local middle school.

Let me just interrupt to say a few things to all of you other parents of pre-teen and tween dancers. There are a couple things you need to be aware of.

Number one, sit down and shut up. These recitals are only an hour long. The phone call you got up to make or the comment you made can wait. I'm so sorry if my daughter's performance is interrupting your conversation about scrapbooking but you'll just have to wait till after to talk about it. This goes double for the small children you have climbing all over you. Put a leash and a muzzle on them or I will.

Second, if you take flash photos in a dark theater you will only get a picture of the person sitting in front of you so go ahead and turn the flash off before you blind everyone around you. Face reality, your camera isn't good enough to take a good picture of a stage from a hundred feet away. And even if it were, the fact that you are using a built-in flash to get that shot tells me you aren't a good enough photographer to handle making it happen. So just put your camera away and watch the performance.

Lastly, your kid sucks. no matter how much makeup you slather on her she will never be as cute or be able to dance as well as my kid. Face than now and avoid the disappointment later.

OK, now that we've got that out of the way...

The concert was brief and entertaining. Each skill level and age group performed a short routine showcasing their flexibility, rhythm and generous makeup application prowess.

At the curtain call each of the classes came out for a bow in descending age order (that's oldest to youngest in case you were wondering). And just as you thought the youngest group had curtsied their way across the stage, another, even younger group was right behind them. It was like opening up a Jon Benet Ramsey nesting doll, each class tinier and more intricately decorated than the previous.

I am reassured that night clubs, gentlemen's clubs and rap choreographers will have an ample stock of trained talent to choose from in the coming years.

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