Tiptoeing Around The Subject

Monday, March 3, 2008

My brother's wife has been in town with their kids for a couple of weeks. She flew in to help her brother finalize the preparations for his wedding to a Filipino mail-order bride. Or something like that. Maybe he met her while he was a Mormon missionary in the Philippines. I'm not entirely sure and the more I hear, the stranger it all seems. It's best to just pretend like it isn't going on around me.

While they were here, we had some good time to spend with my nephews and niece while their mother went off shopping for the world's tiniest wedding shoes and blah blah blah, who cares. During their visits with us we reaffirmed that which Donna and I already suspected.

My nephew is autistic.

The Mayo Clinic's article on autism provides a checklist that in every way describes nearly-six-year-old "J". He seems to be unable to make eye contact. Conversations are brief and repetitive. He has several obvious physical ticks and distractions. Like the thing he does with his spoon, waving it past his right eye over and over. And while he is not anti-social, he is mis-social, following the other kids around and invading personal boundaries well beyond that of normal social neediness.

The list goes on and on. Any of these traits, on their own, could be considered totally within the range of normal. Together though, they seem to add up to something more.

When I pointed my mother to this list her response was dismissive with a hint of defensiveness. Saying something to the effect of, "Oh, that's not true. He sees his doctor regularly and they work with his teachers on his behavior." This comes as no surprise as my mother actually invented denial. It's true. She holds the patent on several major neuroses.

My brother and his wife also seem to act as if J's obvious and numerous social and physical developmental challenges are nothing more than odd quirks.

No, my diagnosis is not a professional one. And I want to be clear that I don't mean to attach any stigma to his apparent condition. Quite the opposite. I'd hope that those involved in J's well-being could look past any potential label and come to terms with his condition in a way that gets him the best possible shot and a quality lifestyle.

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