Say Uncle

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

I have a niece. Well, I have a bunch of nieces, actually. But there's this one in particular. She's four.

Her brain is a magical place where words go in, rattle around and, like those million monkeys sitting at typewriters, come back out as miniature gems of priceless comedy. Which is why I always go out of my way to teach her new ones.

Take Friday, for example. The niece was at our house for a few hours while her parents ran some errands. Some time after I was done chasing her around the house and forcing her to admit that I was her favorite uncle, she informed me that, according to her mother, "pooh and pee are bad words."

There was no way I could pass this up.

"At our house, pooh and pee are words you HAVE to say. Every day. Fart too. Can you say fart?" I stiffled a giggle.

"My mom says that's a bad word too."

"Your mom is a prude. Can you say prude?"

"Prude", she obeyed.

"Good job. Can you say pooh?"

"Pooh", she parroted.

"Excellent. Pee?"

"Pee", exactly as planned.

"Fart?"

"POOH PEE FART!"

My job was done.

A few hours later, while I was on my way to a weekend backpacking trip, my phone rang. It was my sister-in-law. As expected, upon seeing her mother, the niece had performed the script I had given her. But it was even better that I could have planned.

"When I asked her who told her to say those things, she said, 'Pete.' So when I asked her why she's listening to her uncle Pete instead of mommy do you know what she said?"

This is where the million monkeys earn their bananas.

"She said, 'Because he understands my glory.'"

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Permanent Link: Say Uncle
Filed under: Family

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