Fiddley Gomme

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Health and Medicine

  • Thursday, September 13, 2007
    1 Comment - 7 years 27 weeks ago

    I seriously need to look into some kind of anxiety medication. Seriously.

    Ironically, or tragically, depending on whether you are less or more empathetic, I would need to go to a doctor to get that worked out. Going to a doctor is just the sort of thing for which I actually need the medication. On the upside, I'm guaranteed to be accurately diagnosed. It would be hard to misdiagnose a patient lying in the corner sweating and shivering like cold Jello at a summer picnic.

    The other problem is that I haven't even found time for the haircut which I need almost as desperately. How in the world will I not use that as an excuse? the rest...
  • Tuesday, September 4, 2007
    10 Comments - 7 years 29 weeks ago

    Since I was a kid, I've suffered from canker sores. I remember sitting on the carpeted kitchen floor of our Sandy slum, err.. rental house, in front of the avocado-green refrigerator yelping with pain every time I had to swallow. Always the caring mother, mom would be extra careful when pushing me away from the fridge with her foot when opening the door to get at the pitcher of re-hydrated Deseret Brand powdered milk.

    It's been a couple years since I had a serious outbreak but it looks like I'm about overdue. The first tickle came on Friday along with a little redness in the throat. You know these sorts of things are bad when I find myself wishing for strep throat instead of cankers. By Sunday morning, a full-fledged ulcer had formed right on my uvula.

    There is no know cause for cankers though some say a combination of factors are likely to blame. Including stress, lack of sleep, sodium laurel sulphate (a nearly-unavoidable main ingredient in toothpaste) and, depending who you ask, apostasy. Great, all I have to do is lie perfectly still, stop swallowing, quit my job and stop brushing my teeth. The apostasy thing is non-negotiable. the rest...
  • Monday, September 3, 2007
    5 Comments - 7 years 29 weeks ago

    10:49 Miles. Nice.
    10:49 Miles. Nice. the rest...
  • Wednesday, August 29, 2007
    7 Comments - 7 years 30 weeks ago

    I am consumed with tired anxiety today. The opening of my show approaches quickly and with each rehearsal comes confidence in my role but also an extremely unnerving increase in the anxious reality that there will be actual people paying actual money to see my actual performance. This anxiety lurks below the surface of my confidence waiting for any split in the seams to rush forth like a deluge.

    Each morning after late rehearsal also reminds me, usually by jabbing me in the knees and back, how I'm so not twenty years old any more. The late nights and physical exertion are adding up on my joints. They also wreak havoc on my circadian rhythm.

    I find myself lethargic and sleepy even after allowing myself to sleep in a full eight hours simply because my sleep pattern is disrupted. This lethargy seems to magnify the anxiety. The more tired I am on stage during rehearsal, the sharper my feeling of uneasiness. the rest...
  • Tuesday, August 21, 2007
    7 Comments - 7 years 31 weeks ago

    I ran three miles yesterday. And no, I wasn't being chased by a gang. It was on purpose.

    Donna made me. And by made me, I mean, she was going to run and since she looked so damn good in the shorts I thought I'd take advantage of the view while I had the chance.

    The run went better than expected considering I haven't run more than a block since, umm, I don't know... high school? I didn't die and there was only a moment at the end where I thought I might come close. In fact, I felt good enough about it that I committed to run in a 10k with Donna on Labor Day weekend. the rest...
  • Friday, August 17, 2007
    5 Comments - 7 years 31 weeks ago

    My guts are falling out.

    A couple years ago, while I was trying really hard just to stay conscious, my Doctor was poking around my belly for some reason or another when he stopped and casually asked, "How long have you had this hernia?"

    Upon closer inspection I did, indeed, have a little bulge in my navel that hadn't been there before. "I dunno. Never noticed it before." the rest...
  • Monday, July 2, 2007
    3 Comments - 7 years 38 weeks ago

    I think my mother may have poisoned me. This is only unusual because normally it's my mother-in-law who tries to kill me with Sunday dinner.

    Yesterday, in preparation for my younger brother's visit, mom cooked up his favorite meal. Pot roast with mashed-potatoes and gravy. A crowd favorite to be sure. Oh, and pie for dessert.

    I'm not sure of the exact kind of pie she made but I think it was lie-as-still-as-you-can-all-night-to-keep-from-vomiting-while-feeling-both-hot-and-cold-at-the-same-time-berry. the rest...
  • Friday, June 15, 2007
    7 Comments - 7 years 40 weeks ago

    Brigham Young said, "Now if any of you will deny the plurality of wives, and continue to do so, I promise that you will be damned." Also, "The only men who become Gods, even the Sons of God, are those who enter into polygamy."

    Doctors in Northern Arizona say that polygamy is fueling that state's rapidly rising rate of genetic disorders.

    Who do you think it makes more sense to believe? the rest...
  • Monday, June 4, 2007
    11 Comments - 7 years 42 weeks ago

    This is what it looks like when the PVC pipe a five-year-old is playing light sabers with meets the ground at the bottom of the slide just before the child does.

    A bad case of hockey mouth
    A bad case of hockey mouth

    One tooth lost. Two more loose. Upper jaw cracked. Lots of tears. the rest...
  • Thursday, April 12, 2007
    11 Comments - 7 years 50 weeks ago

    "Mom, Dad, I just started my period," Megan said as casually as if she were announcing the completion of a piece of toast. She was seemingly unaware of the fact that the sun was not yet up and our eyes were not yet open.

    "You what?" Donna said groggily.

    "My period, it came this morning. I thought you'd like to know." the rest...

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