What is a gay bottom-How to Know If You’re a Top or a Bottom | GQ

This is clearly not the case, especially for those people who consider themselves versatile HIYA. But it ought not to be impossible to sexually switch things up. Sure, people have a preference, but now could be the perfect time to escape the top or bottom prison you live in. It could open up a world of possibilities. So how do you go about testing new waters?

What is a gay bottom

What is a gay bottom

What is a gay bottom

What is a gay bottom

It felt right because it was right. These terms may be elements of self-identity that indicate an What is a gay bottom usual preference, but might also describe broader sexual identities. This article needs additional citations for verification. Do what feels good. In this study, the performances of 5, actors were considered. One way to question this, he posits, is to approach something other than penetrative Venray tickling. Top may also describe a broader personal identity involving dominance in a romantic or sexual relationship ; however, this stipulation is not a requisite element of being a top. Calling myself a bottom has pros and cons. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Explaining the terms this way, however, is a bit of an oversimplification.

Worst time to get an erection. Navigation menu

Updated March 05, I respect them the way I respect firefighters and contortionists. Do not live in fear of bleeding — stress and sex phobia are more unhealthy than most other ailments — but know that your likelihood for anal injury is higher if you are a cock-loving bitch who loves getting pounded. There are different exercises you can do to train your hip muscles and lower back muscles to make you a better bottom. Amateur muscular jocks butt pounding 5 min Luislovesmen - Drugs come with a plethora of risks What is a gay bottom on their own. I admittedly do not masturbate as much as I used to, and it takes me much longer to cum when I do not have something in me. Start Long island sex bars you receiving on top and gaining control of your muscles before moving around to new positons. Sugar-free psyllium husk fiber can be purchased on its own, and I have even seen it sold in capsule form. Good cleaning is also about relaxing your ass muscles and getting comfortable with the feeling of being penetrated before you Carman electera nude play. This frequently refers to MSMs who are penetrated via What is a gay bottom anus during anal sex.

They can be a top — someone who prefers to act as the penetrative partner during anal sex; be versatile — one who is happy to both give and receive; and a bottom — someone who enjoys acting as the receiving partner.

  • Thinking about having anal sex , but don't know if you're a top or bottom?
  • Successful and pleasurable bottoming takes time and practice through dilation exercises, training of your self-awareness, and control of the pelvic floor.
  • When I was little, my father would drag my sister and me out in the cold morning in camouflage outfits and orange hats to sit with him in a deer stand and practice shooting his gun.
  • Cogiendo al vecino hetero bigoton.
  • In human sexuality , top , bottom , and versatile are sex positions during sexual activity , especially between two men.
  • .

My first sexual experience happened in a hotel room while other guys in my church youth group slept. He touched me. I touched him. We were trembling. Getting better at bottoming required me to see through all that, and trust my experience. In my mind, I continuously returned to that first experience. It felt right because it was right. It was the opposite of shame — it was my body doing what it needed to do. Today, bottoming is an awesome part of my life. If you want to try bottoming, here are five pointers to get you started, with more to come in part two.

Calling myself a bottom has pros and cons. On one hand, I have an easier time finding tops — guys who enjoy taking the active role in sex. On the other hand, putting myself in a box is frustrating when I want to top. In my experience, most people are versatile in the right situation, or with the right person — I am.

These labels make finding sex partners easier. Before hookup apps like Grindr and Scruff established these words as standard sex vocabulary, queer men used discreet street coding — colored hankies, certain types of clothing — to discreetly tell each other what kind of sex they were looking for and which role top or bottom, dominant or submissive they wanted to take.

Bottoming is usually not extremely fun on its first attempts. For many, bottoming is uncomfortable in the beginning. With practice comes pleasure. Once you get the hang of it, bottoming feels great. Anal sex has just as much risk as vaginal sex for unwanted sexually transmitted infections like chlamydia and gonorrhea, and since HIV is more common among certain populations transgender women of color and men who have sex with men , anal sex poses a higher risk of HIV transmission for these people.

I am also HIV-positive. All sex — bottoming, topping, sucking, handjobs — involves risk. Learning about those risks and taking the necessary steps to minimize them protecting yourself and playing smartly gives you the freedom to enjoy bottoming without fear.

Yes they can. My boyfriend leans bottom, and so do I. I love fucking him, and he loves fucking me, but sometimes often we both prefer to get fucked — and we do, by other guys. Talk about it. Try to make it work.

First things first: there is nothing wrong with being feminine. We will help you. Enjoy it. Do what feels good. Get the best of what's queer. Sign up for our weekly newsletter here. I discuss these risks and how to protect yourself in part two of this guide. Can two bottoms be in a relationship? Why do I feel ashamed of bottoming? Tags evergreen sex queer sex. Read More. By Lucy Diavolo. By Michelle Kim. By Michael Cuby.

Steer clear of injection drugs. In Oregon, "versatile" profiles made up nearly half Work with your tops. If you puncture your colon or are bleeding badly and in extreme pain, get yourself to an Emergency Room as soon as possible. Asexual Bisexual Heterosexual Homosexual. I wanted to be unable to sit afterward. Retrieved

What is a gay bottom

What is a gay bottom

What is a gay bottom

What is a gay bottom

What is a gay bottom

What is a gay bottom. Navigation menu

When I was little, my father would drag my sister and me out in the cold morning in camouflage outfits and orange hats to sit with him in a deer stand and practice shooting his gun. This was a necessity for a young boy in the South.

While his tutelage never stuck, he might be surprised to learn that I still grew up to be a hunter. All I need is a drawstring shoulder bag carrying my keys, wallet, cell phone, and a douching bulb for emergency visits to the nearest bathroom. Depending on the environment — a dive bar versus a dance club, a bathhouse or a play party — I might be wearing more clothes or less, but the target is the same: men and anal sex.

As gay men, a good portion of some of our lives will be dedicated to the art and craft of anal sex. It is one of my favorite ways to pass an evening and one of the most enjoyable parts of my life. At its best, bottoming is a mind-blowing and carnal experience that feels really good.

At its worst, it is painful and unpleasant. Clearly there is a right and wrong way to do it, and a learning curve — few guys start off as bottoming champions. You need years of practice, and sometimes you need tips from someone who knows what he is doing. The tips in this slideshow progress from beginner bottoms to more advanced bottoms, so if you are just beginning your magical bottoming journey, the advice at the beginning may be more useful to you than those in the back. Enjoy the ride.

My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. As with everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men.

For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions for sex and dating topics in the comments. Hungry for more? My vegetarian friends say that they hardly need to clean before sex — they simply use the bathroom and are good to go. This is because they consume a high fiber diet, which cleanses the colon.

Meat-eaters like myself benefit from fiber regimens like daily Metamucil or Benefiber to keep our runways clear. In my experience, the best fiber regimens are those that come in powder form that you mix in a glass of water, and most contain psyllium husk — a natural fiber with multiple health benefits. Sugar-free psyllium husk fiber can be purchased on its own, and I have even seen it sold in capsule form.

I have not had the same good results from fiber capsules as I have from Metamucil, but some guys might. Metamucil is part of my daily routine. Loose, runny stool is a nightmare to clean out. Too much fiber can dehydrate you and cause cramps and hemorrhoids, so do not take more than the recommend dose. Make sure you drink plenty of water to stay hydrated — something every healthy person should do anyway.

These men have an uncanny ability to just know without a shadow of doubt that their colons are clear and ready for a pounding, no douching required. These men are mysteries to me. I respect them the way I respect firefighters and contortionists. I cannot quite believe they can do what they do, but they do it nevertheless. I always have to make sure things are good down there before having sex. Some guys do a pre-sex check with a lubed finger, but I do not trust my fingers, which are shorter than most of dicks I want to take.

So while a finger check might be convincing for some, I always fear there may be stuff further up. This is why I almost always clean out beforehand.

Some consider it an acceptable occasional practice to relieve constipation, but most would frown at the idea of douching as frequently as every week or more. I choose to clean frequently because I like to have mess-free anal sex, and have not had any problems from excessive douching. Most guys have different cleaning methods depending on the kind of sex they want to have.

Most guys begin cleaning in the shower with water and a finger, and for some that is enough. Many guys move on to using a douching bulb or enema. This works for most guys too, although douching bulbs and enemas will not clean your ass as deeply and thoroughly as hoses and shower attachments can.

I use a hose — a shower attachment with a short, smooth nozzle — with slightly warm water and low pressure high pressure is not recommended — ouch. These different cleaning methods have different benefits and different risks which I will go into in the following slides. You should never rush the cleaning process, especially if you are a beginner. Cleaning out is more than putting water up your butt. Good cleaning is also about relaxing your ass muscles and getting comfortable with the feeling of being penetrated before you start play.

The brand Colt makes great douches and cleaning devices, and their products can be found at most sex stores, and they are not too expensive. A good douching bulb will have a large rubber bulb and a smooth plastic nozzle.

If you use one in the shower, lube up the nozzle with silicone lube, which will not wash off in water. Gently and slowly stick the nozzle up your butt and gently, slowly squeeze the bulb. When the bulb is mostly empty of water, gently and slowly I will repeat those two words often because all cleaning requires you to go gentle and slow pull the nozzle out.

Hold the water in your ass for a few seconds, then relax and release it into the toilet. Chances are good that you will need to do this more than once. I know some guys who are good to go after one squirt. Since I prefer rigorous sex, I will usually douche three times at least. I cannot stress this enough: take your time with cleaning.

Do not rush it. Not only can you hurt yourself if you rush the process, but a rushed cleaning job will probably not get you completely clean.

After some practice, you will discover a frustrating truth: whenever you think you are all set, suddenly that second anal chamber will open and you will have to douche again. If you have time, clean once, then wait about thirty minutes and clean again. The trick with cleaning with a douching bulb is to hold the water in your butt for a few seconds.

I do body squats in the shower to push the water up a little deeper. That same rule of thumb does not apply to cleaning out with a hose or shower attachment. When you use a hose, relax your ass and let the water run out freely. Do not try to hold it in. Make sure the water is moderately warm, not hot, and relax your butt. Hold the nozzle in for a few seconds, allowing the water to run out gently, then pull the nozzle out. Repeat until clean.

Douching with a shower attachment gets me a more thorough clean, typically faster than with an enema. I have experimented with different nozzles, but generally the basic plastic or metal douching nozzle that you get from a sex supply store works great. I stole my first nozzle a smooth, stainless steel one from a shower room at the Armory in San Francisco — the filming studios for Kink. Since then, I have used nozzles that are longer, slender, and made of smooth PVC or rubber that clean deeper.

I must caution that these are for more advanced bottoms. Deep cleaning is not without its health risks more so than cleaning your ass with an enema but it gets me better prepared for hours of hard sex, ass play with big toys, and fisting. You could say that my pleasure focus point has shifted from my dick to my butt.

I admittedly do not masturbate as much as I used to, and it takes me much longer to cum when I do not have something in me. Not only are anal prostate orgasms more intense for men, but some, like myself, learn to love the feeling of the anal spinchter the circular muscle that opens and closes at the base of the colon, which is clenched tight and shut for most of your life and opens when you have to use the bathroom opening around an object, whether it be a penis, a butt plug, or hand.

The opening and closing of this muscle on its own can be very erotic. I discovered this sensation through toy play. Gay sex tends to focus only on the prostate, since a good top is basically rubbing the prostate with his dick. When my ex-boyfriend and I decided to start playing with toys, I discovered sensations that I had never experienced before. He started pushing a small butt plug in my ass during foreplay, and I learned that the feeling of being opened can be just as intense as being fucked.

Toy play has made me a better bottom and, for many guys, is the gateway to becoming more comfortable with sex. Toys open you up and get you used to the feeling of penetration at your own speed.

Most of them are too hard, and many of them have a rough, porous texture. These are novelty items. Those synthetic, sculpted veins can be sharp and very painful. Remember that the colon is lined with thin, delicate tissue that is easily torn and punctured. Smooth toys work best. My favorite lube is Pjur Back Door silicone lube. I know this after experimenting with every kind of lube imaginable, from lotions to kitchen ingredients to Elbow Grease and more.

A good lube makes a big difference. Many guys prefer spit — I do — but spit typically will not work for rough sex or extended play. When I go hard, I use silicone lube. Silicone lube is messy and stays slick forever, meaning it can sometimes present clean-up problems avoid touching door handles , but it works fine with latex and non-latex condoms and keeps your ass lubed up longer than water-based lube. Silicone lube can also be used in the shower, since it will not wash off with water, meaning you can use it for douching and for shower sex.

I have a latex allergy. When I get fisted, I use non-latex gloves. My sex life did not really begin until a friend told me he has a latex allergy and suggested maybe that was my problem as well.

The very next day, I went out and bought my first box of non-latex condoms. My life was changed. Latex allergies are more common than you might realize. If you are repeatedly having uncomfortable sex and your hole feels like it is burning or badly irritated every time you use latex condoms, try a non-latex condom made of Polyisoprene read: not condoms made from lambskin, which does not protect against STIs, just pregnancy.

It took me a long time to stop asking guys during sex to pull out and check their penises for shit. Few of them would have cared if there was any, but I did. In my mind, I could not imagine having sex with a dirty hole.

This paranoia has ruined sex for me several times in my life and frustrated tops who knew what they were getting into — literally. It is butt sex, after all, and if you do it enough, you are at some point going to encounter traces of that other thing the ass does. Whether you are a total top or a total bottom or totally versatile, be less afraid of shit.

Not only is it a pleasurable side effect to your dilation training, but you can start to channel your orgasm anally and begin to gain control over time. Once the engines have been started, the bottom needs to sit on the tip of the penis, allowing control of entry.

Use plenty of lubricant and remember the different sets of muscles that need to be released to allow access. The three-to-five-time rule applies here as well. Being on top of the penis really allows for you to determine your level of comfort. If pain occurs, you can stop, call it a day, and try again another time. Graduating to new positions: Once you have fully received the penis, the last hurdle is to add new positions into the mix, like doggy-style.

Make sure you have mastered receiving to minimize any injury and maximize pleasure. Start with you receiving on top and gaining control of your muscles before moving around to new positons. Injury happens to the best of us: Proper techniques are obviously a must, but even brand-new cars can break down.

The most common issues related to anal sex trauma are tears, also known as anal fissures. Most anal fissures will heal themselves with proper care, but fissures that become chronic will require surgical intervention. Be honest with your body: Small, petite frames and pelvises just may not be able to accept those of the more well-endowed variety. Be realistic with your goals, and realize that you may need work up to this over several months. Use it or lose it: The key to continued ease of bottoming is to be consistent in using the above dilation methods, even throughout sexual dry spells.

Keep at it so the next experience is a pleasurable one. Engage a specialist: The process to becoming a pro at bottoming can be daunting, but it is totally achievable if you follow the above process. If all else fails, see a specialist in gay sexual health and wellness, who can provide both medical — such as personalized dilation and Botox — and surgical options including anal restoration to help improve results and assist in relaxation of the muscles.

Evan Goldstein, founder of Bespoke Surgical which has offices in New York and Beverly Hills , has extensive experience educating gay and bi men on health care issues specific to the community, including: anatomical and mental sexual dysfunction; the myriad of same-sex relationship types and their evolving dynamics in the current social climate; HPV prevention, management, and treatment; anal Pap smear analytics and pertinence to cancer prevention; sexual education i.

All Rights Reserved.

Here's why gay men need to appreciate 'the bottoms' more | Metro News

This is clearly not the case, especially for those people who consider themselves versatile HIYA. But it ought not to be impossible to sexually switch things up.

Sure, people have a preference, but now could be the perfect time to escape the top or bottom prison you live in. It could open up a world of possibilities. So how do you go about testing new waters? Miller argues that gay men should examine their relationship with power. Where do you align when it comes to being dominant or submissive? One way to question this, he posits, is to approach something other than penetrative sex.

If you received the kiss, you're the submissive one. There is no aspect of sex that doesn't have, at its core, an aspect of power.

So part of the thing that you have to ask yourself is, 'What am I comfortable with? Do I like initiating sex? Do I like telling my partner what to do, or do I like being told what to do? You might like taking your car for a service just as much as servicing it yourself. As Miller explains, there are outside forces that, dating back to the ancient Greeks, have prevented gay men from truly digging into what sexual behaviors we might actually enjoy.

The ongoing fetishization of masculinity means that the traditionally submissive role of the bottom is associated with effeminacy. Chris White, an expert in health promotion and the director and principal investigator of the Safe and Supportive Schools Project at the Gay-Straight Alliance Network in San Francisco, takes this one step further. So there's some shaming there. And it's feminine type shaming, as well. Not only are you saying that it's more masculine to be a top, but you're saying that you should be ashamed to be a bottom.

But as with everything sexual, these things are usually on a spectrum that is often contextual. We like to pretend that there are, but they're not necessarily true. According to a study by The Journal of Sexual Medicine that surveyed 25, gay men in America about their last sexual encounters, only 36 percent said they had bottomed and 34 percent said they had topped. By Nathaniel Friedman. By Luke Darby.

What is a gay bottom