Nun jokes 10 jokes about nuns. A soldier ran up to a Nun. Out of breath he asked: "Please, may I hide under your skirt I'll explain later. A moment later, two Military Police ran up and asked: "Sister have you seen a soldier? I hope you will understand, "I don't want to go to Iraq.
Where was Jesus born? Mother Mother superior called an urgent meeting of all the nuns in her convent Mother Superior : Today I found a man's underwear behind the bush. Mother Superior is in the convent, when she hears a knock at the door. What did one nun say to the other on her birthday? Two weeks later the next donkey derby was run in St Gabriel's parish. After agreeing to Robin titties so, John and his crew arrived at the covenant and began work on the Clean jokes about nuns. Help with Nun Humor! The first one to tee off is Moses.
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A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. Virgin Clean jokes about nuns. A: Tell her she's pregnant! A nun, really needing to go jokex the bathroomwalked into a local Hooters. Why did they applaud for me just because I Aged granny pussy to the restroom? Quick, Funny Jokes! The first sister steps forward and says, "St Peter I tried to live a righteous life, but one time I saw a penis. A: Parents Q: What's jokee difference between Jesus and your father? Q: What do you call a Catholic service that is very, very important? Two weeks later the next donkey derby was run in St Gabriel's parish.
Help with Nun Humor!
- Two priests were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.
- Q: What do you call a Catholic service that is very, very important?
- Nun jokes 10 jokes about nuns.
- Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?
Help with Nun Humor! I'm in "Nunsense" opening next week and there are several opportunities for audience interaction and occasional jokes etc. For example, "find a couple sitting close togther and urge them to move apart 'to leave some room for the Holy Spirit,' which is what the nuns would say to kids who were getting a little too touchy-feely back in the day at Catholic school.
I'm a big fan of that quip from Dogma that Catholics mourn their faith rather than celebrating it. That may hit a little too close to home, though. Get a water gun, shoot it at the audience actually, towards, not at. Laugh maniacally, saying, "Ha ha! You're all Catholics now! What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A Roman Catholic! Insert whatever, wherever. Lutheran, presbyterian, catholic, methodist, whatever.
I had a friend once who was half Catholic, half Jewish. Well, my parents think the whole "offer it up" thing is hilarious.
As it got worse, the passengers became more and more alarmed, and finally even the stewardesses began to look concerned. Finally, one of them came over to me and said: "Sister, this is really frightening! Do you suppose you could I don't know What's black-and-white-and-black-and-white-and-black-and-white-and-black-and-white-and-black-and-white-and-black-and-white-and-black-and-white-and-black-and-white-and-black-and-white? A nun falling down the stairs. They must believe in evolution since the big shots in the Vatican refer to themselves as primates.
Keep 'em coming! He's on the phone and he wants to talk to you. Devout Catholic guy is driving around a large metropolitan city. Desperate for a parking space, he begins to cry out "God, if you find me a parking space, I promise I'll stop drinking, go to confession and start attending mass each sunday, without fail".
Moments later, a car pulls away from the curb just ahead of him and a parking spot is his. Two nuns are driving late at night when suddenly a demon jumps out of the woods and onto the hood of their car.
As he snarls at them through the windshield, the nun driving says, "Quick, sister, show him your cross. Piss off! Catholic mass is like attending a football game. Stand up. Sit down. Stand up again. Fight, fight, fight! With all the kneeling, there are entire generations of Catholic schoolkids with one bad knee and one huge thigh.
This one is a groaner, but it was told by the deacon at my Catholic church years ago back in my churchgoing days so it's definitely clean: A painter was hired to do some work on a local church.
To recoup the cost of the discount he had given the church, he diluted his paint with turpentine. One day while he was up on the scaffolding, almost finished with the job, he heard a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened. The rain washed the thinned paint off the church and knocked the painter off his scaffold and onto the ground below.
What should I do? Ask someone if they are a practicing Catholic. If they say yes, reply "give it a couple more years, you'll be good enough to stop practicing.
I don't know how well this will go over, but They were running so short of troops due to casualties and desertion that they were sending out boys from the Hitler Youth to make up their numbers. One such boy was assigned to an infantry unit on the Polish border, and one day he was told to take a rifle and sit on a hill overlooking a country road, and shoot anyone who came down the road.
It was a long, boring, tense day, and the boy had started to doze off, when he saw a young priest walking down the road towards the village. Carefully, his heart pounding, the boy took aim with his rifle and waited for the priest to walk into range.
No, I am a German soldier, and I will do my duty! Up ahead, they spot a small boy playing with GI Joes in his front yard. I like this joke involving a mother superior. On actually reading the question, that's not "clean" posted by roofus at PM on November 11, After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favour.
The Pope says, "What can I do? That is the Lord's prayer and I cannot change the words. After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again. I really need your help.
The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord's prayer, and I can't change the words. After two more months of terrible sales the Colonel gets desperate. Then one asks about the bad news. The Pope replies, "The bad news is that we lost the Hovis account. Since you're based in the U. Maybe you could work in a pun like Q: How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Change??? Q: What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A: Hot cross buns Also A rabbi a priest and a minister walk into a bar ; jokes for Easter ; and I swear somewhere in one of the threads tagged "jokes" there is a great longish joke about building a cathedral, but I can't find it. A new arrival at Heaven's Pearly Gates was greeted by St.
Peter, who showed the n00b around the many wonders. There were heavenly choirs, strolling minstrels, celestial harpists and all sorts of music to enjoy. Everyone there was strolling about, happy, smiling, without a a care. Finally, St. Peter and the new arrival walked down a dark hallway and came upon a door which, when opened, displayed a small room with a huge crowd of people constantly milling around and bumping into one another without a clue as to what else was outside their door.
Here's a religious site's compilation of the 10 funniest and 10 most offensive religious jokes, as selected from their forum. There's more in the Making Light discussion of it, like: The circus was in town, and a couple of the members of the acrobat troupe decided to seek out the Catholic Church for confession. The good father heard them one at a time, then finally perplexed, blurted out, "I can't quite place your accents, are you from around here?
Whereupon the acrobats started demonstrating their talents in the aisles of the church to the priest who had come out of the confessional to watch. Rosie takes one look at the goings on and exclaims to Molly in a thick Irish brogue, which I can't do so well here , "Ach Molly, an' look at what the good father's givin for penance today. An' me without a stitch of underdrawers on! A Catholic friend of mine loves the thing where - apparently - people think that Catholics worship the sun.
The whole sunburst behind Jesus's head thing, and apparently there are a lot of Host containers not sure what they are called that look like sunbursts. Anyhoodle, there is a lot of potential there about worshipping the Sun God Ra and so forth. Maybe not clean enough, but I heard it at Catholic school Sister Catherine walked into the dining hall for breakfast. I can't be bothered to type out the whole of this shaggy dog joke, but assorted nuns say the same thing to her throughout the day, with Sister Catherine each time saying that no, she's in a good mood.
That evening Sister Teresa comes up to her. Why does everybody keep saying that I must've gotten out of bed the wrong side? Here's an oldie: A couple had a son who was failing math in school, mostly because he hated math so much that trying to get him to do his homework and study for tests was like pulling teeth. They decided to send him to a nearby Catholic school where they had heard that both the discipline and math instruction were good. The first day he came home from the Catholic school he went straight to his room and did his math homework.
His parents were impressed, and as the first semester passed they were thrilled to see that their son continued to make every effort to do well in math. They said to him, "Son, we're so proud of you! But we'd like to know how exactly the teachers at the Catholic school motivated you to work so hard on math. A rich businessman has a son, and does not know if he should make him a banker or send him to seminary school.
He asks advice from the town priest and the town banker, and a test is set up. They place a crucifix and a bag of coins on a table in a room, and hide behind the curtains.
How can you get a nun pregnant? What did one nun say to the other on her birthday? Get 15 percent off Dashing Diva's adorable Halloween nails with this exclusive discount code. The next time you've got an audience to impress, these funny clean jokes are sure to have everyone cracking up. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. They use candles Q: Where is the best place to get a ice cream cone? Virgin Mobile.
Clean jokes about nuns. Funny clean jokes for all ages
Funny Nun Jokes Top 10 Jokes about Nuns fiddley.com
A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation.
After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. Could I see yours? An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession: Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old.
Jesus, Moses, and an old man go golfing. The first one to tee off is Moses. He smashes the ball and it is heading right for the water hazard before the green. Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball makes it to the green. Jesus gets up to swing, cranks it out, and it is headed for the water hazard. Jesus closes his eyes and prays. The ball skips across the water and lands on the green two feet from the hole.
The old man's turn comes and he drives the ball. The ball looks like it is going to drop directly into the water. A fish jumps from the water hazard swallowing the ball, as an eagle drops from the sky, grabbing the fish. As the eagle flies over the green, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, making it drop the fish.
As the fish hits the green, it spits out the ball and the ball falls into the hole, making a hole in one. Jesus looks at Moses and says, "I really think I'm leaving Dad at home next time!
Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands, even from the church. One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, "Where is God?
Eventually his brother found him and asked, "What's wrong? God is missing and they think we took him! So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. Next week is his first communion. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him. A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin'! There's no paper on this side either! Four nuns are in line to go into heaven.
God asks the first nun if she has ever sinned. She says, "Well, I've seen a penis. He asks the second nun the same thing and she says, "I've held a penis," so he puts holy water on her hands and lets her enter. Then the fourth nun skips the third nun in line and God asks why she did that.
The 4th nun replies, "Well, I need to gargle it before she sits in it. Contest in a girl's college: write a short story which contains religion, sex and mystery. Winner's story: "Oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it. Q: What kind of car does Jesus drive? A: A Christler.
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church? Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence! Submit Joke. Credit Joke to:.
Make Anonymous. Woody on Woody Woody Allen.