Bottoming gay sex-Shame-Free Tips on How to Be a Better Bottom

My first sexual experience happened in a hotel room while other guys in my church youth group slept. He touched me. I touched him. We were trembling. Getting better at bottoming required me to see through all that, and trust my experience.

Bottoming gay sex

Bottoming gay sex

Bottoming gay sex

Can two bottoms be in a relationship? Silicone lube can also be used in the shower, since it will not wash off with water, meaning you can use it for douching and for shower sex. If you want to be a cum dump, do it the right way. Fisting — inserting the whole hand into the anus — tends to draw gasps Bottoming gay sex people who are not into it, gay men included. While his tutelage never stuck, he might be surprised to learn that I still grew up to be a hunter. While Bottoming gay sex pigs frequently incur shaming and anger from people both in and outside the gay community, stigmatizing a lifestyle does little to address its reality. Archives Nude hose cleaner service Sexual Behavior 43, — A good douching bulb will have a large rubber bulb and a smooth plastic nozzle. First, to stop damage to the internal lining of your arse. These are novelty items.

Model pic shannon. How to Be a Better Bottom

Since I am having regular bareback sex, I get tested every month, no exceptions. Check out his expert advice on how to make anal sex more Bottoming. Most clinics and LGBT centers say that sexually Bottoming gay sex gay men should receive a full-range testing every three months. Making decisions about topping and bottoming Are you topping, bottoming, Bottomng both? Sugar-free psyllium husk fiber can be purchased on its own, and I have even seen it sold in capsule form. You can bottom like a porn star — with practice. News Ticker. I did this so that Tips for online dating sucess straight men around me would see me closer Bottoming gay sex being an equal. And it really helps if you can slip on a cock ring so that he remains completely firm during the process. At its best, bottoming is a mind-blowing and carnal experience that feels really good. Sometimes we want to push our limits.

Successful and pleasurable bottoming takes time and practice through dilation exercises, training of your self-awareness, and control of the pelvic floor.

  • Please note that your information will be transferred outside of Europe, particularly to Canada since we are based out of Canada.
  • Joseph Terlizzi , a New York-based colon and rectal surgeon, for the lowdown on how gay and bi men can prepare, how to do the deed, and how to stay safe post-coital.
  • I think part of my fascination with the topic was directly linked to my strong need to please the guys I had sex with.
  • When I was little, my father would drag my sister and me out in the cold morning in camouflage outfits and orange hats to sit with him in a deer stand and practice shooting his gun.

This is part two of Bottoming Then I found a video. That moment sealed the truth: Bottoming was real, and I had no clue how to do it. That brings me to my my first piece of advice for anyone looking to bottom: Do not compare your experience to porn. They just get edited out. Many people douche before bottoming, meaning they use water to clean the lower part of their rectum — the space in your butt just inside your hole — to flush out any poop before sex.

An easy way to do this is to buy an enema. As your skill develops, your douching regimen will probably change. Incorporating a fiber supplement like Metamucil into your diet can help. Most people do not consume enough fiber, which is vital to your overall gastrointestinal health and makes anal sex easier and less messy — double win!

Lube up the tip of your enema with a body-safe lubricant I recommend silicone-based lube , and slowly insert the nozzle into your hole. Gently squeeze the bulb and slowly fill your butt with water. Hold it in for a few seconds, then gently release the water into a toilet.

Repeat this until the water runs clear. Some safety tips: Go slow! Yes, you can get pretty clean, but cleaning out is not a requirement for bottoming.

Many people, including some medical professionals, recommend skipping douching in the first place, washing your butt with soap and water, putting a towel down, and simply cleaning up any mess after. No matter what you choose to do, you cannot completely control your body.

Just enjoy it. Your body is simply doing what it does. It might on your first attempt. Why does it hurt? Also, there are ways you can train your butt muscles to relax, stretch, and make the experience easier see the last question of this guide.

Some people recommend taking a deep breath when your sexual partner first enters you. Close your eyes and picture your butt, and picture it opening, expanding like a circle. Work up to two fingers, then three, until you feel comfortable gripping them — in control, powerful, flexing your butt muscle.

Breathe slowly and lead. You tell your partner when to move, when to go forward, when to stop, when to move again. Just as you did with their fingers: Grip, release. Grip, release. Breathe deeply and slowly, and guide them into you. Micro-tears in the anus happen pretty easily when you have anal sex. The walls of the rectum the inside of your butt are delicate. Some tears are worse than others. Most are pretty painless and heal up quickly on their own.

They may itch, sting, or burn when you try to have sex or use the bathroom. While micro-tears or fissures are rarely very painful, they become open gateways for infection. Unprotected bottoming is a high-risk activity for sexually transmitted infections like HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and more. So far, the only drug approved for PrEP is Truvada, but more drugs are on the way. Condoms are also incredibly effective at preventing STIs like chlamydia, syphilis, and gonorrhea, and the combination of condoms and PrEP greatly reduce your risk of contracting all of these.

Most sexually active adults have some strain of HPV. Get your body and your butt regularly inspected by a doctor for warts and other signs that you might have an infection. Improving your sex skills takes time, practice, and — in my opinion — some butt training. Not every bottom trains their butt to prepare for the experience, but I did.

After I learned to enjoy the sensation of my ass opening and stretching, my skills drastically improved, and sex finally became really fun. Buy a small butt plug no larger than an inch in diameter , preferably one made of smooth, soft silicone. Lube it up generously with silicone toys, use water-based lube , and slowly slide it in. Concentrate on the feeling of the stretch and slowly — slowly! Breathe, relax, and repeat. Pro tip: This is way more fun with a playmate you trust, who is patient and will listen to your needs.

You will probably find — as I did — that after you stop clenching and finally relax your butt, the feeling of your hole opening feels really good. And then it feels great. After working with the same small plug for a few weeks or as long as it takes to feel enjoyable , try a slightly bigger butt plug. Gradually build size and speed, and above all else, focus on enjoying the feeling. Your body has an impulsive reaction of tightening your muscles and clenching when something feels uncomfortable.

He answers reader-submitted sex questions on his blog, The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend , and writes the gay sex and dating column Sexy Beast for The Advocate. Get the best of what's queer. Sign up for our weekly newsletter here. Does bottoming hurt? How do I protect myself from HIV and other sexually transmitted infections? How do I get better at bottoming? Tags evergreen queer sex sex. Read More. By Bria Brown-King. By Samantha Puc. By Samantha Riedel.

You can even guide him with a free hand. Step 3: Penetration. Do not try to hold it in. If you are unable to enjoy anal intercourse, there could be a few factors at play. Despite the fact that both men and women have been engaging in anal sex since the ancient Greeks and probably long before that , there remains, in many circles, a stigma attached to it. Forget everything you heard from your peers or your parents when you were growing up.

Bottoming gay sex

Bottoming gay sex. Lessons I’ve learned from a life bending over.

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How to Know If You’re a Top or a Bottom | GQ

When I was little, my father would drag my sister and me out in the cold morning in camouflage outfits and orange hats to sit with him in a deer stand and practice shooting his gun. This was a necessity for a young boy in the South.

While his tutelage never stuck, he might be surprised to learn that I still grew up to be a hunter. All I need is a drawstring shoulder bag carrying my keys, wallet, cell phone, and a douching bulb for emergency visits to the nearest bathroom.

Depending on the environment — a dive bar versus a dance club, a bathhouse or a play party — I might be wearing more clothes or less, but the target is the same: men and anal sex. As gay men, a good portion of some of our lives will be dedicated to the art and craft of anal sex. It is one of my favorite ways to pass an evening and one of the most enjoyable parts of my life.

At its best, bottoming is a mind-blowing and carnal experience that feels really good. At its worst, it is painful and unpleasant. Clearly there is a right and wrong way to do it, and a learning curve — few guys start off as bottoming champions.

You need years of practice, and sometimes you need tips from someone who knows what he is doing. Enjoy the ride. My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. As with everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men. For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions for sex and dating topics in the comments.

Hungry for more? My vegetarian friends say that they hardly need to clean before sex — they simply use the bathroom and are good to go. This is because they consume a high fiber diet, which cleanses the colon.

Meat-eaters like myself benefit from fiber regimens like daily Metamucil or Benefiber to keep our runways clear. In my experience, the best fiber regimens are those that come in powder form that you mix in a glass of water, and most contain psyllium husk — a natural fiber with multiple health benefits.

Sugar-free psyllium husk fiber can be purchased on its own, and I have even seen it sold in capsule form. I have not had the same good results from fiber capsules as I have from Metamucil, but some guys might.

Metamucil is part of my daily routine. Loose, runny stool is a nightmare to clean out. Make sure you drink plenty of water to stay hydrated — something every healthy person should do anyway. These men are mysteries to me. I respect them the way I respect firefighters and contortionists.

I cannot quite believe they can do what they do, but they do it nevertheless. I always have to make sure things are good down there before having sex. So while a finger check might be convincing for some, I always fear there may be stuff further up. This is why I almost always clean out beforehand. Some consider it an acceptable occasional practice to relieve constipation, but most would frown at the idea of douching as frequently as every week or more. I choose to clean frequently because I like to have mess-free anal sex, and have not had any problems from excessive douching.

Most guys have different cleaning methods depending on the kind of sex they want to have. Most guys begin cleaning in the shower with water and a finger, and for some that is enough. Many guys move on to using a douching bulb or enema. This works for most guys too, although douching bulbs and enemas will not clean your ass as deeply and thoroughly as hoses and shower attachments can. I use a hose — a shower attachment with a short, smooth nozzle — with slightly warm water and low pressure high pressure is not recommended — ouch.

These different cleaning methods have different benefits and different risks which I will go into in the following slides.

You should never rush the cleaning process, especially if you are a beginner. Cleaning out is more than putting water up your butt. A good douching bulb will have a large rubber bulb and a smooth plastic nozzle.

If you use one in the shower, lube up the nozzle with silicone lube, which will not wash off in water. Gently and slowly stick the nozzle up your butt and gently, slowly squeeze the bulb. Hold the water in your ass for a few seconds, then relax and release it into the toilet. Chances are good that you will need to do this more than once. I know some guys who are good to go after one squirt. Since I prefer rigorous sex, I will usually douche three times at least. I cannot stress this enough: take your time with cleaning.

Do not rush it. Not only can you hurt yourself if you rush the process, but a rushed cleaning job will probably not get you completely clean. After some practice, you will discover a frustrating truth: whenever you think you are all set, suddenly that second anal chamber will open and you will have to douche again.

If you have time, clean once, then wait about thirty minutes and clean again. The trick with cleaning with a douching bulb is to hold the water in your butt for a few seconds.

I do body squats in the shower to push the water up a little deeper. That same rule of thumb does not apply to cleaning out with a hose or shower attachment. When you use a hose, relax your ass and let the water run out freely. Do not try to hold it in. Make sure the water is moderately warm, not hot, and relax your butt. Hold the nozzle in for a few seconds, allowing the water to run out gently, then pull the nozzle out.

Repeat until clean. Douching with a shower attachment gets me a more thorough clean, typically faster than with an enema. I stole my first nozzle a smooth, stainless steel one from a shower room at the Armory in San Francisco — the filming studios for Kink. Since then, I have used nozzles that are longer, slender, and made of smooth PVC or rubber that clean deeper.

I must caution that these are for more advanced bottoms. Deep cleaning is not without its health risks more so than cleaning your ass with an enema but it gets me better prepared for hours of hard sex, ass play with big toys, and fisting.

You could say that my pleasure focus point has shifted from my dick to my butt. I admittedly do not masturbate as much as I used to, and it takes me much longer to cum when I do not have something in me. The opening and closing of this muscle on its own can be very erotic.

I discovered this sensation through toy play. When my ex-boyfriend and I decided to start playing with toys, I discovered sensations that I had never experienced before. He started pushing a small butt plug in my ass during foreplay, and I learned that the feeling of being opened can be just as intense as being fucked. Toy play has made me a better bottom and, for many guys, is the gateway to becoming more comfortable with sex. Toys open you up and get you used to the feeling of penetration at your own speed.

Most of them are too hard, and many of them have a rough, porous texture. These are novelty items. Those synthetic, sculpted veins can be sharp and very painful.

Remember that the colon is lined with thin, delicate tissue that is easily torn and punctured. Smooth toys work best. My favorite lube is Pjur Back Door silicone lube. I know this after experimenting with every kind of lube imaginable, from lotions to kitchen ingredients to Elbow Grease and more.

A good lube makes a big difference. Many guys prefer spit — I do — but spit typically will not work for rough sex or extended play. When I go hard, I use silicone lube. Silicone lube is messy and stays slick forever, meaning it can sometimes present clean-up problems avoid touching door handles , but it works fine with latex and non-latex condoms and keeps your ass lubed up longer than water-based lube.

Silicone lube can also be used in the shower, since it will not wash off with water, meaning you can use it for douching and for shower sex. I have a latex allergy. When I get fisted, I use non-latex gloves. My sex life did not really begin until a friend told me he has a latex allergy and suggested maybe that was my problem as well. The very next day, I went out and bought my first box of non-latex condoms.

My life was changed. Latex allergies are more common than you might realize. If you are repeatedly having uncomfortable sex and your hole feels like it is burning or badly irritated every time you use latex condoms, try a non-latex condom made of Polyisoprene read: not condoms made from lambskin, which does not protect against STIs, just pregnancy. It took me a long time to stop asking guys during sex to pull out and check their penises for shit. Few of them would have cared if there was any, but I did.

In my mind, I could not imagine having sex with a dirty hole. This paranoia has ruined sex for me several times in my life and frustrated tops who knew what they were getting into — literally.

Bottoming gay sex

Bottoming gay sex